Let's Dance to Joy Division
by TangerineFields
Summary: The Marauders head down to the pub. Debauchery, terrible renditions of the Beatles and strutting through flower beds ensure that James' sleepy Surrey home is sufficiently scandalised.  RemusxSirius


A/N: Because I spend too much time down the pub. Set in the summer after the Marauders have finished school.

For ImSiriuslyLupin4you, AddictedToStendanKisses28 and M'rika, for being such fantastic reviewers :)

Disclaimer: As ever, the wonderful Marauders belong to J K Rowling, and the title is taken from a song by the Wombats, which is fantastic and comes with my highest recommendation :D

**Let's Dance to Joy Division**

"Take your fucking time, Princess Potter!" Sirius yelled up the stairs as Peter glanced at his watch for the fortieth time in twenty minutes. "We're not goin' anywhere!"

"Well I had to get ready, didn't I?" James' appeared at the top of his parent's stairs in black trousers and a wide collared white shirt, grinning widely.

Sirius snorted when he saw him. "Shit, that long and I was at least expectin' drag."

James pulled a face at him. "Fuck off, Black."

"Didn't you have time to do your hair, Jamesy?" Peter grinned from the doorway. "Spiders could nest in that."

James shuddered. "Shut the fuck up, both of you. Where's your boyfriend, Pads?"

"Moons!" Sirius bellowed up the stairs. There was no reply. He shrugged. "Musta died of old age waiting for your sorry arse."

Remus' head appeared over the banister.

"Oh god, that's the half way through a chapter face," James breathed. "Everyone run for cover."

"Very funny, Prongs." Remus descended the stairs book in hand, batting Sirius around the head with it as he reached the door.

"Oi! What the fuck was that for?"

"Wash your mouth out, Black."

Sirius leant in and kissed Remus thickly. "Why don't you do it for me, Moons?"

"Ah gods, guys that's disgusting!" James thwacked Sirius' arm but didn't manage to break up his two snogging mates.

"I think I'm losing my vision," Peter shuddered. "No amount of alcohol is going to erase this."

James groaned and yanked the front door open, catching Sirius round the back of the head with it.

"Fuck!" Sirius yelped, his hand flying to his injured skull. "Prongs you wanker!"

"Stop tongue fucking Moons then!"

Remus, in an uncharacteristic display of frustration, flicked James the finger and wound his fingers back through Sirius' hair. "We'll catch you up."

"But-"

James grabbed Peter's arm. "Nah, Worms, mate," he muttered, recognising the glint in Remus' eyes. "Unless you want to be scarred until the day Dumbledore shaves his beard, we need to be outta here."

Peter's eyes widened and he scampered out through the open front door. James went to join him and then had second thoughts and without risking a glance at Remus and Sirius, who from the noises they were making were well on their way to becoming a health risk to any unfortunate observer, yelled, "And not on my parent's fucking bed!"

* * *

><p>"Moons!" James waved a half empty pitcher at his two best friends from the booth he and Peter had managed to swipe. "Ah god," he groaned to Peter, who was busy demolishing the other pitcher. "They're holding hands. I think I'm gonna be sick."<p>

Remus slid onto the leather padded bench, and glanced up at the framed portrait on the wall. "Who's that?"

James shrugged. "Whoever it is, he's got a fucking massive neck."

"Jacob Epstein," Peter read. "Who the hell was 'e when he was at home?"

Remus smiled and picked up a drinks menu. "An artist, I think."

"Where's Pads?" James finished the last of his florescent pitcher of Blue Lagoon and wiped the back of his hand across his mouth.

"Gone to the bar," Remus smiled, and continued to study the menu. "It's a nice pub."

James glanced suspiciously at him. "You're happy."

"S'because he got a shag," Sirius grinned as he set two more jugs and a couple of glasses of ice down on the table.

"Too much information, Black." James waved a hand at their new acquisitions. "What's in them?"

Sirius shrugged. "Well one's Black Magic and the other one's Sex on the Beach, cos I know it's your favourite, Jamesy."

Peter snorted. "You think he's told Lily that?"

James glared at them. "Fuck off, guys."

Remus glanced mildly up at Sirius, "Did you bring straws?"

"Fuck no." Sirius shook his head. "This might be the cheap option but fuck it if we're drinking it like some puffs outta a film."

Remus raised an eyebrow as Sirius slid into the seat across the table.

"Shit no," James gasped. "You do are not sitting opposite each other. You'll feel one another up under the pissing table!"

Sirius smiled angelically at him. "You know I'd never do that to you, Jamesy."

"I, on the other hand," Remus grinned as he tipped apricot pink Sex on the Beach into a tumbler, "Have no such qualms."

"Is that Amelia Bones?" James hastily moved the conversation on, craning his neck to look past the frosted glass that lined the inside of the booth.

"Ah god, Worms," Sirius smirked. "You should go an' say hello. Have a little reunion."

"Piss off!" Peter sloshed some Black Magic into a tumbler. "That ended years ago!"

"Yeah," James grinned. "I do remember you cried."

"It was an emotional time." Peter sniffed melodramatically.  
>Sirius and James exchanged glances. "Bet you a galleon he's under the table by the end of the night." James grinned.<p>

"Bet you two galleons he's singing 'Yellow Submarine."

James glanced at Peter and then shrugged. "Sorted." He glanced across the table to Remus. "You're quiet, Moons."

"He's thinking back to the exquisite moment of sexual ecstasy he just experienced," Sirius grinned, folding his hands behind his head.

Remus glanced up from his glass. "You've been better."

James snorted his drink over the table. "Oh Pads, you just got pussy whipped."

"Anatomically, that would be difficult for me to achieve, Prongs." Remus smiled winningly at Sirius, who glowered back, and then groaned as Remus' foot nudged against his cock.

"Oi!" James scrambled further into his corner. "Oi, Moons! You said you fucking wouldn't!"

"Ah gods," Peter garbled, "Not this again!"

Remus grinned at Sirius, whose eyes were already rolling back in his head and then removed his foot. "Sorry, Prongs."

Sirius groaned. "Fucking killjoy."

"Look, me and Evans don't do that so I don't see why-"

"Evans doesn't do that to you?" Sirius shook his head, "You poor bastard, Prongs. Seriously, mate, you don't know what you're missing."

"Yeah but I can't exactly ask her to, can I?"

Sirius shrugged and then glanced at Remus, "How did we…?"

Remus smiled. "I imagine I thought it would be amusing to see how long you lasted."

"Approximately 3 seconds, probably," Peter muttered from over his drink.

Sirius kicked him under the table.

"Anyone feel like doing shots?" James eyed the empty tumblers disdainfully.

"Go on then," Sirius grinned at him. "Moony's more fun drunk."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Remus stood up to let James out and then pinioned Sirius to the wooden panels at the back of the booth with a rather steely stare.

"Nothing," Sirius grinned charmingly at him. "You entirely lose the ability to unfasten anything, that's all."

"Well you'd better hope you've not got that belt on then."

"Guys," Peter protested from his corner of the booth. "I am still here, you know."

Sirius pushed the remainder of the Black Magic towards him. "Drink up, then, Worms and pray you don't remember anything tomorrow morning."

* * *

><p>"Shit, it's tippin' it down!" James hovered under the pub eaves, one hand out to test the rain.<p>

Sirius laughed at him from the square, his hair already plastered to his face. "Poncy git! Push Wormy out here, might make him less shit faced!"

Peter was studiously attempting to read the pub name. "The Imp- The Amp – The oh fuck it-" He groaned, and was shoved into the rain by James. "Oi!" He giggled. "What the fuck was that for?"

"To wake you up, you daft wanker." Sirius pushed him down onto a bench before he fell over. Peter grinned sappily up at him.

"You're really pretty." He said.

Sirius and James exchanged glances.

"Sorry, Worms, Pads is spoken for." Remus appeared next to James, and sighed into the rain.

"Moons!" Sirius grinned, "Give us a dance, mate!"

"Pads, it's tipping it down."

"So," Sirius spread his arms wide, laughing in the pouring rain. "We've gotta walk home in it, ain't we?"

"We could just get the Knight Bus," James muttered, backing away from the rain drops pattering against his boots.

Remus stared at Sirius, who was beaming at him, and then up at the pouring rain, dashing through the light from the pub windows and gave in. "Fuck it," he said, and went to join Sirius in the sodden square.

"Strike up the orchestra!" Sirius commanded, and kicked Peter in the shins. "Worms you brat, give us a tune!"

Remus smiled, and pressed closer to Sirius, enjoying the weight of his hand on his hip as Peter began to warble the opening bars of 'We All Live In A Yellow Submarine'.

"Fuck yes!" Sirius beamed. "You owe me two galleons, Prongs mate!"

"Pads," Remus was laughing as Sirius attempted a badly out of synch waltz on the wet slabs. "You can't waltz to this!"

"What are we doing, Moons?" Sirius grinned and pressed his forehead to Remus', "We're waltzing."

"And our friends are all aboard!" Peter giggled. "We're friends, right? And we're all aboard! Hey, Prongs!" Peter turned back to James and nearly fell off the bench, "They're snogging again!"

"Ah shit!" James dashed out into the rain, his jacket clamped desperately to his head with one hand as he tugged at Sirius' jumper with the other. "Oi, wankers! This is not your fucking gay club! This is fucking Surrey!"

Remus very reluctantly pulled away as a window of light from some disgruntled individual throwing their curtains spilt into the square.

"Time to go!" James said through gritted teeth as he made a grab for Peter.

* * *

><p>"Sirius! You wanker! Get off the fucking roundabout!"<p>

Sirius turned and waved cheerily at his mates as he took a shortcut across the grass. The roundabout in question was one of those pretty English town displays of yellow marigolds, but Sirius stomped through them regardless.

"He looks like a rent boy," Remus laughed, watching Sirius strut through the flowers in his skin tight jeans, his white t-shirt slipping open over the pale expanse of his shoulder.

A car spun past in the still pouring rain as Sirius stopped on the other side to wait for them and beeped at him. Sirius gave it the finger.

"I thought you said this was Surrey!" He yelled at James, who had cracked up by the roadside.

"Yeah, well I've clearly been away too long, haven't I mate?" James nudged Remus. "You jealous, Moons?"

"Of those jackasses?" Sirius threw an arm around Remus' shoulder. "I should fucking hope not."

They stopped to watch Peter stumble up the road toward them. "I love you guys!" He yelled happily as he fell into James. "I honestly love you."

"That's brilliant, Worms," James smirked, disentangling himself from his inebriated friend. "Fucking brilliant."

"Is this your house, Prongs?" Peter grinned as they rounded the corner into James' street. "This house is pretty, this should be your house."

Sirius and James exchanged sceptical glances as Peter was dragged away from a rather quaint cottage with roses sculpturally framing the doorway.  
>"Come on, Pete, mate," James smiled as he pushed open the creaking iron gate and they crowded into the Potter's porch, rain still streaking down. "You're gonna need bacon."<p>

"Or a bloody blow to the head," Sirius muttered as James fumbled with the door key.

Remus reached forward and pushed Sirius' sodden hair back from his face.

"What?" Sirius smiled, "What is it?"

"Nothing," Remus shrugged, and Sirius realised he was slightly tipsy. "You're gorgeous."

"Oh god," James muttered as he finally managed to shove the front door open. "Here we go again, Worms."

"Well," Sirius murmured, brushing Remus' lips with his own. "I don't like to brag…"

James glanced back and found Peter staring, fascinated at his two entwined friends. "Oh for fuck's sake…" James groaned. "Either get your sorry arse inside, Worms, or join them."

Sirius, without pausing in his attempts to devour Remus' face, flicked Peter the finger.

"Right then," James grumbled, "That settles it. Get inside, Worms, and Sirius, I swear if you get booked for indecent exposure, you are paying your own fucking bail!"


End file.
